Exercising the Labia Oris Muscles

Indians are a breed which is tolerant anything except for- you can guess what it is from the title, my help is not needed! Gone are those days when they showed two birds feeding each other or two flowers swaying (albeit in very unnatural way, as if someone sitting below was shaking them!).

Richard Gere could be sentenced jail for kissing a Shetty Woman. This lady too has a sad story. First someone kicks her, then someone kisses her and court finds courtly kiss in country an offense. The judge along with two other advocates found this incident obscene:

The magistrate, Dinesh Gupta, reacting to a private complaint filed by advocate Poonam Chand Bhandari, watched a CD of an AIDS awareness function in Delhi at which Gere hugged and gave Shilpa a peck, as shown by a TV channel, to pronounce that the act was "sexually erotic" and "indecent". [read further for entertainment]

Says advocate Ramautar Gupta:

"It is all indecency and nudity which our society cannot tolerate."

It Sounds as if Shakespeare was reborn in Afghanistan of 90's. Says one comrade who has a taste for saffron and a distaste for all things which sound feminine "Only humans (in an Agent Smith-ian manner) kiss, have you seen animals pecking? No! Only Humans do this indecent act. And we want all the people of this holy land to abolish this age old malpractice. You see, it was all started by Geeks." "You mean people who kiss are nerds?" "Yes they are! But i was talking about about the citizens of some European country. Yeh Desh Kissanon ka hai- yahan aisa kissa nahin chalega! Think of the situation when everyone starts kissing, no one would do any work!"

One of the most eminent actors and pecking experts of our local Hollywood of India, Emran Kissme has this to say "I wish Richard all the best. He did the right thing by Kissing and running out of the country. He should go to some country which does not have an extradition treaty with India. You see, this is why all my pecking scenes are shot in foreign countries, and i do it only if the script (which is at most as lengthy as an A5 sheet) demands, or the director demands, or even if the heroine demands. There is a catch though, that the duration of proper kissing should not be less than 5 minutes and there should be a nice sound as if someone is rubbing balloons. Richard should have consulted me before doing this. Had he done that, the judge would not have to see the scene unnecessarily made long by the media by repeating the same frame again and again."

The actress Muli-ka Sharbat was not at all amused by this controversy. The actress of film Khwahish (the film with 17 kisses, which made me believe that Hazaron Khwaishein Aisi had 1000 times more kisses) explains why she was never summoned by the court "It is because of the wooden expression i throw when kissing that the scene doesn't look erotic at all! An expressive face could have landed in trouble, as has this." It was a short and subtle reply. A hero kissing such a girl could be easily mistaken for a woodpecker, or if he is expressive enough, then he would be mistaken as a conservationist juxtaposing his labia oris muscles to a tree and the law of the land does not stop animals from pecking, or humans kissing the trees. I am loving it as some newspaper puts this news above "India becomes trillion dollar economy". This entertainment cannot be pirated!