Dedicated to Kau: Part 2 of 3: Ek Chhoti si Love Story

Ramu had a best enemy [like the highest order animals have best pals] known as Kau. He was a mean machine, but he also had a golden heart, it depended solely on his mood if he was in a golden mood or not...

Ramu wanted to get exported to America, like other animals of his IITian breed. One way was to deport himself in the cage of smuggled baboons, while the other way out was via giving a moronic exam which promised to satisfy the various GREeds of knowledge, money, position, power and fortune of most "aliens" [this is what international highest order biped animals are termed in the United States]. Ramu being an underpriviledged malnutritioned animal did not have a credit card to pay the sum the GRE people demanded. Kau readily accepted to pay the sum and it was the time when Ramu wanted to pay back what he borrowed from Kau. They were to meet at some place in Kolkata, let's call that place Witty Center. Kau was in a bad mood, as usual. From 5:20 in the evening, he started calling Ramu every 5 minutes, snarling that why in the world was he late, as he had to reach Witty Center by 6:30, and Kau will have to miss the bus to his home, he feared. Ramu was seriously agitated, but he could not lock horns with Kau, as he was travelling towards the venue with the Bandi. Keeping his boiling lava inside him, he pacified Kau. However, on reaching the pre- decided spot, Kau was nowhere to be seen.
Ramu on phone 6:30 PM: "Kahan hai tu?"
Kau on Phone: "Office mein, gimme 5 minutes, will be there"
Ramu never knew if 360 seconds made a minute or something like that. Kau appeared at the spot after what seemed like an aeon.
Kau looked in his Best, with a skin tight XXL T- Shirt clinging to his geodesic potbelly, and hair nicely done, he donned the look of a perfect gentleman. Ramu was surprised at the new look of his best enemy.
Kau took both Ramu and Bandi [he could not leave Ramu behind, at least this is what etiquettes said] and treated them with coffees of their choice, the bill solely paid by Kau. In his golden mood, Kau was likable (at least, you should like the person who pays the bill for your costly coffee treat!). Kau was trying to impress the girl with his etiquettes, while Ramu was busy relishing his share (and Kau's share) of cold coffee. Kau was pleading "I'm so ssssssorry, it's because of him that i did not get the time to ggggroom myself.... i hope u don't mind my look. Gimme one more chance and i can present myself in my best. Please don't mmmmind"
This sentence was repeated in many different ways and said in many different human languages. Ramu was looking out of the bus window now as he had no interest in the gossip the grown ups do. Girl was busy filling in the Survey like questions of Kau, and Kau's curiosity kept him popping more doubts, and the bus was stuffy, and Ramu was happy that his money was not wasted on a waste like coffee [which he enjoys on others' cost].

The girl wanted to go to some friend's home, and Kau was eager to drop her their, despite of him getting late for his abode. The girl, however, parted and so did Ramu, leaving Kau in a cool emotional surge...

Ramu later learned that Kau and the lady were planning to go to the movie The Pirates of Caribbean. It was a night before the d'day that a chat took place between the two.

11:31 PM kau: sala

!@#$

me: kya hua?

kau: kahan hai

11:32 PM me: kahe ro raha hai

kau: aabe yeh teri bandi..kya SERIOUSLY dabba HAI?

me: kya hua?

kya kia tum dono ne?

be right back

11:33 PM ab rona shuru kar wapas. am back

11:34 PM kau: kya hua...sun..gajab dhakkan bandi hai..aare, movie ke liye khud 3 din pehel haan boli thi jab poocha to...ticket kharidne ke liye boli advance, with MADAM ji ka prefered timing..aur kal raat tak haan haan hami bharti rahi..

and GUESS WHAT..

11:35 PM aaj morning ko call kiya to uthayi nahi

abhi 5 MIN pehele yahoo mein bolti hai..ki kal koi SUBMISSSION hai uske office mein it seems

so cannt come

WHAT THE HECK YAAR...

11:36 PM PIRATES ka ticket i had to book thru credit card..

me: :(

ohhh

kau: 220 bucks

pani mein

me: she is so unprofessional

this is bad

kau: i even ditched KRITI

AND GUESS WHAT

me: kya?

11:37 PM abe kriti ko le jana fir

kau: KRITI WAS THE ONE ON WHOSE CREDIT CARD I BOOKED IT, ..i was supposed to go with him for PIRATES COZ HE HAD ASKED ME WAY EARLIER

me: kal pakad le

kau: I CHANGED MY PLANS ON WEDNESDAY coz of your Bandi

and now, this..

me: ohhhhh, yeh to kela ho gaya tera

11:38 PM kau: aare.KRITI ke apne plans nahi kya..just think how cheap i wud appear to KRITI if i asked him now

me: this is bad yaar

saturday ko kahin submission hota hai bhala

kau: and GUESS WHAT

KRITI was so generous engh..he gave me his CREDIT CARD (coz the card has to b shown at the counter 4 confirmation..)

11:39 PM SERIOUSLY..this is way way unprofessional

me: tch tch tch

usse baat kar

kau: AND WAY TOO CHILDISH

me: phone pe

hana yaar, yeh childish thode hi hai

it is bad

kau: AGR submission HAI TO SHE MUST HAVE KNOIWN IT EARLIER NA

me: tu usse baat kar ke bol clearly ki aisa nahin karna chahiye tha

11:40 PM agar nahin jana tha to pahle bol deti

kau: forgrt it...

me: u had to bow before kriti for his credit card

kau: I CALLED up her in the evening she hadnt picked it up

atleast she shud have had the courtesy to call back

me: haan yaar

kau: she ssays ..her BALANCE wasnt there

me: tujhe load hua hai, main samajh sakta hoon

11:41 PM kau: AND GUESS WHAT

she has a POST PAID na?

me: landline to hai hi uske paas

kau: AABE..load nahi..i feel humiliated

me: haan main samajh sakta hoon

kau: NOT ONLY BECOZ OF HER..BUT BECOZ i now have to ask some collegue or kriti TO COME ALONG

neways...

11:42 PM me: bandi ko bolna ki tujhe kitni sharmindgi jhelni padi

kau: ACHA..DONNT MENTION A WORD OF THIS RETORT OF MINE TO HER

me: nahin re

kyun bolunga

kau: IF SHE HAS SENSE..she will call up

me: haan

she should call u up

kau: YAHOO pe rto lecture de rahi thi ki..SHE WILL make up or something

dekhte hain

me: shud i ask her to call u up?

11:43 PM make up matlab?> make up kar ke aayegi?

kau: aare..CHODO.infact, i rather played the whole issue down..as if her not comming wasnt of much consequence

that shud suit her

guess, she values her importance way too much or something

whatever

me: arre usko yeh to bola hota ki uske karan tujhe kitna zaleel hona pada

11:44 PM kau: HAAN WO TO BOL HI DIYA

me: kahan bola tune?

kau: aur agar call kari..ya agle baar phone pe baat hua to AIS ASUNAOONGA

me: tune to yeh show kiya ki tujhe fark nahin pada

kau: bola..ki SHE SHUD HAVE INFORMED ME BY EVENING..

AT LEAST WHEN I CALLED HER UP

11:45 PM me: kau

tu usse badla le

usse ticket khareedwa

aur mat ja

kau: CHODENGE TO NAHI

me: ekdum tit for tat badla hai

yes

kau: jo bhi ho...SUNA KE TO CHORUNGA

me: ab aaya na tu track pe

mard ban mard

11:46 PM seene pe baal hain to usko prove kar

kau: agar sali call nahi bhi ki to hi-bye ke bahane khudcall karonga aur sala @^&#..KO AISA SUNAOONGA

aabe..tu kya MAZAK KE MOOD MEIN HAI?

me: nahin sale

kau: YE KYA LIKH RAHA HAI

me: tujhe tempo de raha hoon

tu bhi na

11:47 PM kau: ok..ok

me: woh nahin aayi aur tu chup chap sunta reh gaya

gadha!!

kau: NAHI SAALE yahoo messeger pe jitna bolna tha bola

me: kya bola tune?

kuchh bhi to nahin!

kau: ab to PHONE PE BOLLONGA

me: ladki ke samne shareef ban jata hai

kau: HMM..SHAYAD

me: kuchh nahin bol payega tu

11:48 PM kau: sala..chara maat

me: munh mein dahi jama ke baitha rahega- bandi ke aage teri aisi hi halat hoti hai

nahin to kya aarti utarun teri?

kau: hmm...nahi, kal to call karna hi karna hai..

USKI !@#$ KI TO

SERIOUSLY BE..

11:49 PM MAIN SALA KUCH ZYADA HI SARIF HOON

kaal to xsunake chorna hai

me: Bandi se main kuchh kahun ya tu handle karna pasand karega?

kau: NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

DONNT DO THAT..

me: to tu bolega

agar main nahin to tu

kau: SHE WILL THINK I HAVE NO BACKBONE TO HANDLE MYSELF

me: soch le

sale woh tere paas bilkul nahin hai

kau: I WILL SPEAK TO HER FIRST..

11:50 PM %$#@!

me: theek hai

kau: !@#$, KYA BOL RAHA HAI

me: dekhte hain tere munh mein se phool jharte hain ki aag

abhi yahoo pe online hia

dikha de aaj

kau: THIK HAI..BANDI SE HI SUN LENA AFTER I BASH HER UP..

USI SE AB TAK BAAT HO RAHI THI..KAHA NA

11:51 PM me: okies, dekhte hain teri bahaduri- darpok!

kau: I KNOW SHE IS ONLINE

me: hmmmmm

theek hai

kau: WHATEVER

me: kal ka suraj batayega ki kya bol paya tu

11:52 PM chal koi ni

peace maar

kau: YAHOO KA QUOTA OVER ho chuka , PHONE PE BATIYANGE

me: kal movie dekh aur khushi se enjoy kar

11:53 PM kau: WAISE BHI YAHOO MEIN WO SALI..3 MIN BAAD REPLY MARTI HAI

me: abe woh thesis likhti hai

isiliye 3 min bad reply karti hai

kau: pata hai

sali ko REVIT tak nahi aata

sketch-up pe phatti hai

11:54 PM aur 3D max main main exprt hoon ya nahi poochti hai

*&^%

me: koi ni be

kau: khair..

chal main nikalta hoon

me: kya ghalat poochhti hia?

tu exp[ert nahin hai kya?

kau: sone jata hoon

me: chal be

sadma laga hoaga tujhe

kau: bahut gussa dimag gghooma deta hai

me: so le thoda

kau: bbye

GDNITE

11:55 PM me: good nite

kal movie enjoy kariyo

kriti ko saath le jana

bbye

This chat was followed by an ugly laughter from Ramu's side, and a silence of 17 minutes....

(to be continued)