- We do have some student's scheme which allows a rebate of 50% in fees for registrations.
- If you are a daughter in law, if your marriage is just new (must not be older than 365 days) then we provide Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahut Thi Scheme: we give you 40% rebate, and we supply kerosene/ gasoline/ LPG free in that case (you need to buy the matchstick yourself, we recommend Horse- Head ones, they light faster, and one stick is enough).
- If the Marriage is older (366 days to not more than 540 days), then We have Kahani Gharr Gharr Ki scheme: we depreciate the rebate by 5% per month under this scheme.
- Note Bene: We do not recognise any marriage older than 540 days, we consider it as a particular case of Alien Encounters of The Third Kind and hence a perennial headache to which everyone will eventually (and gradually) get immuned to. The Scheme hence is named as Kasauti Zindagi Kay Scheme, and is currently out of our scope of action.
- For the people in other sectors like some school boys immolating themselves/ people committing any other act of cowardice/ martyrdom willing to die, like seasonal suiciders, as we prefer to call them, we have a scheme of Kaahin kissi Roz... There are no rebates whatsoever, we treat them as respected guest consumers of our person specific services.
- Suicide Bombers are not considered in the category mentioned in 5 above.
Here is a sample form which needs to be duely filled to gain a member status in WSMA:
- Occupation: Student/ Housewife/ Lunaticism/ Fanaticism/ Suicide Bomber/ Other (please mention): ______________________________.
- Purpose which this mission serves (in not more than fifteen lines): _______________________________________________________________.
- if you want to blame anyone/ anything (Yes/ No, if yes, please name them, in comma separated format):________________________.
- How many times have you failed in suicide attempts before? (Please Mention in Numerals not greater than 4 digits, not negative numbers): _____.
- If more than 1, any reasons for your failure? (at least 10 words, attach more pages if needed, this will appear in our FAQ, for the people intrigued why they were unsuccessful in their attempts): _______________________________________________________________.
- What is the equipment you need (please tick one or more): (a) Knife/ scissors/ blade/ any sharp object (b) Kerosene/ Gasoline/ LPG (c) a raised podium and a rope (d) other (please mention).
- Which membership facility do you want (tick one)? (a) VIP (b) deluxe (c) sadomasochist (d) blind game (e) Techno.(Description: VIP- Rope has soft, but sturdy material with a safety factor of 2 to bear double your weight, knife is excellent non-rusted stainless steel with platinum edged, LPG doesn't have a Pungent Ethyl Mercaptan smell which is irritating to many, podium has a red carpet with a welcome message printed with your initials on it. DELUXE- Good quality blade/ knife/rope/ podium; best and economical. SADOMASOCHIST- chains and barbed wires, (accessories are handcuffs, and gags) instead of ropes, two handed saw in place of knife/ blade and compressed fart and taped musical cacophony as a substitute of silent LPG. BLIND GAME- you will recieve a surprise item for your suicide mission, makes your suicide hour a happy and amusement hour. TECHNO- Calls for ultra modern suicidal techniques like employing overdose of Osmium in your favourite Diet cola Drink or overdose of Potassium Chloride to give the heart some extra jerk).
- Stimulus/ event in breif which pushed you towards suicide (please attach extra sheets, shall the space seems insufficient) e.g Ditched by a girlfriend, stumped by mates, abused by master, kicked by mother in law, bad food in mess etc: _________________________.
- An Informal letter/ formal application attached herewith this form (in CBSE proforma).
- Left thumb imprint (if Male) or else, Right thumb Imprint (if female).
- The Stamp sized Photograph.
- Type of membership (please tick one): (a) lifetime membership (b) yearly (c) seasonal (d) once (e) trial offer.
Signature with date: _________________ .
I have read all the above crap and i will abide by the rules of the Association, and I understand that the above mentioned information is correct to the best of my knowledge, and I and only I shall be left responsible through out my life for any discrepancies if found, at later stage.