Dedicated to Kau: part 3 of 3: The Conclusion

After 17 minutes of ugly laughing, Ramu was glad to find Kau online...

12:17 AM me: tu gaya nahin sone?

12:18 AM ek baat soojhi hai

kau: suna ke jana tha na

SUNA DIYA

me: kya sunaya bata

forward kar

kau: RUK,,

12:20 AM waise yeh OFICE KA KAUN SA SUBMISSION kal hai?
dabba bandi (6/2/2007 12:00:14 AM): PRESENTATION DRWG
Koushik Choudhury (6/2/2007 12:00:42 AM): and u went aware that he submission was tomorrow?
Koushik Choudhury (6/2/2007 12:01:37 AM): weren't
dabba bandi (6/2/2007 12:04:03 AM): NOT REALLY
dabba bandi (6/2/2007 12:04:28 AM): GOT TTHE WRK TODAY
Koushik Choudhury (6/2/2007 12:04:33 AM): NOT REALLLY?..thst vague..
Koushik Choudhury (6/2/2007 12:04:40 AM): u either knew it or u dint
Koushik Choudhury (6/2/2007 12:04:45 AM): oooooooo
Koushik Choudhury (6/2/2007 12:05:44 AM): khair...11th hr work to college mein chalta hai, yahan OFFICE MEIN BHI HOTA HAI,..bhagwan rakhsa kare,,,
Koushik Choudhury (6/2/2007 12:08:02 AM): Khair, tum kaam karo...haan,ek suggestion, agar kisi aur din KABHI eise DITCH MARNA hoo (kisi ko bhi..) to KINDLY OFFICE phone se ya phone booth se atleast ek call kar dena. ..RS 1 mein ho jaega.max RS 2
dabba bandi (6/2/2007 12:08:26 AM): K
dabba bandi (6/2/2007 12:08:34 AM): BYEEEEEEEE (orgasm unlimited)

me: sun, idea hai mera

agar koi na mile to ticket black kar diyo

peace rahega

12:21 AM kau: abbe dekha ke nahi

me: padhne de

kau: aare ticket ka load nahi

me: to fir koi load nahin!

peace maar aur so ja

kau: KRITI nahi to SHONA aa hi jayegi

me: aaj ka din bada bura beeta hai tera

badhiya hai

shona ko le jana

kau: padh liya?

12:22 AM me: nahin baap!

kau: kini slow speed se apdta hai tu bhi

me: tera msg aa jata hai

aur screen scroll ho jati hai

ruk type karna band kar!

12:23 AM arre baap re baaap!!!

tune to crack maar liya be!

bandi ko sure bura lagega

kau: aabe seriously bata

12:24 AM sahi SARCASM ka doze tha na

me: haan

kau: ki zyada ho gaya?

me: lekin usne yeh theek nahin kiya, poochh kya?

kau: kya?

me: usne tujhe sorry bhi nahin kaha!

how come??

this was not expected

12:25 AM kau: AARE..sorry bahut baar boli..

ruk

me: to tune apni bahaduri wala part kaat ke bheja tha kya?

uski sorry wala bhi bhej

12:26 AM kau: dabba bandi (6/1/2007 10:59:52 PM): hey
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 10:59:55 PM): how r u?
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:00:00 PM): hey..
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:00:20 PM): am fine. so,, whats up?
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:00:32 PM): nothg
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:00:34 PM): wrking
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:00:35 PM): hey
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:00:41 PM): prob cnt mak it tomorrow
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:00:52 PM): shittttttttttt (for extra pleasure read this in orgasmic manner)
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:00:58 PM): seriously?
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:01:07 PM): have a submission tomorrow for my new office
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:01:10 PM): yeahhhhhhhh (for extra pleasure read this in orgasmic manner)
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:01:18 PM): iam trying to complete within mrng
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:01:20 PM): and u dint inform me earlier yaar
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:01:43 PM): hmm...what can i say..
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:02:05 PM): well, ok..u concentrate on that then..
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:02:16 PM): sorry
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:02:22 PM): dint u know abt this earlier?..or a sudden dealine?
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:02:22 PM): cm bk home at 10 pm
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:02:27 PM): from office
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:02:31 PM): sudden deadline
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:02:36 PM): oooohh (for extra pleasure read this in orgasmic manner)
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:02:42 PM): got this freelance job today mrng
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:02:51 PM): my outgoing s also barred
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:02:55 PM): CONGRATULATIONS for that
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:03:20 PM): hmm..its ok...guess, i have to try and sell the other ticket then
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:03:37 PM): am sorry
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:03:39 PM): really
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:03:47 PM): will be making dfor it soon
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:03:58 PM): dfor?
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:04:13 PM): whhts that?
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:06:21 PM): for it
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:08:47 PM): hey, its ok..its just that i got to know now na, otherwise if it wr in the evening today i cud have asked my frnds to change any plans they had
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:09:52 PM): SORRY
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:09:54 PM): REALLY
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:10:07 PM): no issues yaar..
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:10:16 PM): u r thesis is more important
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:10:38 PM): guess, u must b hard pressed 4 time rite now
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:11:01 PM): u go ahead,,will catch up with u when u r thru the submission
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:11:04 PM): little bit
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:11:12 PM): trying to earn also amidst this
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:13:04 PM): thats indeed a worthwhile thing to do..honestly, how u mange the TUTIONS, the tHESIS, nad now the office, i am hard pressed to imagine
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:13:29 PM): and yes..NOT TO FORGET ur 32 yr wala BEAU, amidst all this
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:13:31 PM): earning
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:13:34 PM):
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:13:37 PM): ufffffffffffffffffffff (again, for extra pleasure read this in orgasmic manner)
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:14:09 PM): ha ha ha ...c , atleast now u know am not angry or nething
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:14:22 PM): but yes..DAMN HEART BROKEN...ab kya kahen..
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:14:41 PM):
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:15:07 PM): well, u will have to pay back with interest my frnd for this
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:15:35 PM): is baar to sirf EK movie fir chutti ka plan kiya tha...
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:16:12 PM): ab INTEREST ke taur par bakayda ..jis weekend free hogi tab milna hoga
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:16:41 PM): DEKHA bachhu..IIT ians never make a LOOSING DEAL
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:17:11 PM): HAAR mein bhi JEET nikal hi latein hain
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:17:24 PM): K
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:56:09 PM): STILL SIFTING thru OR FOUND THE RELEVANT INFO?
dabba bandi (6/1/2007 11:56:28 PM): DESIGNING
Koushik Choudhury (6/1/2007 11:59:13 PM): aah..wasnt that done..guess, after ditching me, u have ample time tomorrow to finsh it off

after 6 minutes

12:32 AM me: sale tune next date ka plan banaya hai, aur hamare samne rona ro raha hai

sale tu bandi ke samne hero banna kyun shuru kar deta hai?

12:33 AM kau: pata nahi yaar

me: kya pata nahin!

kau: aabe main mauke ka fayda uthana bhi chah raha tha aur gussa bhi aa raha tha

12:34 AM salle ...TUNE MUJHE CHARA DIYA

TO FULTO GUSSA AA GAYA

AUR ZYADA HI SARCASTIC HO GAYA

me: haan be, tu hi to ek hoshiyar hai

kau: AUR TU TO JANTA HAI....AM THE SARCASM GOD

me: fayda utha rahe the!!

ab tere sarcasm ke karan woh kabhi nahin jayegi tere saath

12:35 AM tere date ke mansoobe dhool mein lot rahe hain

jaise sawan mein gadha loTta hai

abe tu future date ko leke serious hai kya?

kau: AABE USKE SATH MERA KOI FUTURE HI NAHI TO KYA SOCHNA

12:36 AM me: sale abhi to tune date ki baat ki

woh kya tha fir?

kau: WAISE BHI 1-2 MAHINE MAIN JOB SHIFT MARNA HAI

me: IITIAN wala dialogue?

kau: SO..IN SAB MEIN JANA NOT FEASIBLE NOW

SAB SUNANE KE LIYE

MAINE KAHA NA

MAINE USE SUNA DIYA

12:37 AM jaan boojh ke kaha tha

me: tune agar future mein Date ka socha hai to bhool ja

aur agar sunana chahta tha to future date ka mention bhi nahin karna tha

kau: NAHIN..I DON'T AGREE WITH U ON THIS

MY TACTICS R BIT DIFFERENT

me: different but they have loop hole

12:38 AM bandi ko hansne ka thoda time mil gaya

kau: NAAAH

TU GALAT CONCLUSION NIKAL RAHA HAI

12:39 AM TRUST ME..I WAS BAD ONE DAY...JUST ONE DAY..donnt draw ur conclusions based on that..I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING

me: theek hai

dekhte hian kal

kau: neways..good suggestions u gave

me: agar bandi maan gayi jane ke liye to hum tujhe maan jayenge

kau: liked ur perspective as well

me: thnx! be

12:40 AM kau: CHALO..ABB NEED ACHI AAYEGI

DIL HALKA HO GAYA:)

me: haan be

neend mast aayegi

kau: chal..gudnite ..dear

me: sweet dreams

guud nite

kau: :)

me: sleep tight

me: don't let the bugs bite

12:41 AM

kau: ooooooooohhhh k

me: chal all the best!

Dedicated to Kau: Part 2 of 3: Ek Chhoti si Love Story

Ramu had a best enemy [like the highest order animals have best pals] known as Kau. He was a mean machine, but he also had a golden heart, it depended solely on his mood if he was in a golden mood or not...

Ramu wanted to get exported to America, like other animals of his IITian breed. One way was to deport himself in the cage of smuggled baboons, while the other way out was via giving a moronic exam which promised to satisfy the various GREeds of knowledge, money, position, power and fortune of most "aliens" [this is what international highest order biped animals are termed in the United States]. Ramu being an underpriviledged malnutritioned animal did not have a credit card to pay the sum the GRE people demanded. Kau readily accepted to pay the sum and it was the time when Ramu wanted to pay back what he borrowed from Kau. They were to meet at some place in Kolkata, let's call that place Witty Center. Kau was in a bad mood, as usual. From 5:20 in the evening, he started calling Ramu every 5 minutes, snarling that why in the world was he late, as he had to reach Witty Center by 6:30, and Kau will have to miss the bus to his home, he feared. Ramu was seriously agitated, but he could not lock horns with Kau, as he was travelling towards the venue with the Bandi. Keeping his boiling lava inside him, he pacified Kau. However, on reaching the pre- decided spot, Kau was nowhere to be seen.
Ramu on phone 6:30 PM: "Kahan hai tu?"
Kau on Phone: "Office mein, gimme 5 minutes, will be there"
Ramu never knew if 360 seconds made a minute or something like that. Kau appeared at the spot after what seemed like an aeon.
Kau looked in his Best, with a skin tight XXL T- Shirt clinging to his geodesic potbelly, and hair nicely done, he donned the look of a perfect gentleman. Ramu was surprised at the new look of his best enemy.
Kau took both Ramu and Bandi [he could not leave Ramu behind, at least this is what etiquettes said] and treated them with coffees of their choice, the bill solely paid by Kau. In his golden mood, Kau was likable (at least, you should like the person who pays the bill for your costly coffee treat!). Kau was trying to impress the girl with his etiquettes, while Ramu was busy relishing his share (and Kau's share) of cold coffee. Kau was pleading "I'm so ssssssorry, it's because of him that i did not get the time to ggggroom myself.... i hope u don't mind my look. Gimme one more chance and i can present myself in my best. Please don't mmmmind"
This sentence was repeated in many different ways and said in many different human languages. Ramu was looking out of the bus window now as he had no interest in the gossip the grown ups do. Girl was busy filling in the Survey like questions of Kau, and Kau's curiosity kept him popping more doubts, and the bus was stuffy, and Ramu was happy that his money was not wasted on a waste like coffee [which he enjoys on others' cost].

The girl wanted to go to some friend's home, and Kau was eager to drop her their, despite of him getting late for his abode. The girl, however, parted and so did Ramu, leaving Kau in a cool emotional surge...

Ramu later learned that Kau and the lady were planning to go to the movie The Pirates of Caribbean. It was a night before the d'day that a chat took place between the two.

11:31 PM kau: sala

!@#$

me: kya hua?

kau: kahan hai

11:32 PM me: kahe ro raha hai

kau: aabe yeh teri bandi..kya SERIOUSLY dabba HAI?

me: kya hua?

kya kia tum dono ne?

be right back

11:33 PM ab rona shuru kar wapas. am back

11:34 PM kau: kya hua...sun..gajab dhakkan bandi hai..aare, movie ke liye khud 3 din pehel haan boli thi jab poocha to...ticket kharidne ke liye boli advance, with MADAM ji ka prefered timing..aur kal raat tak haan haan hami bharti rahi..

and GUESS WHAT..

11:35 PM aaj morning ko call kiya to uthayi nahi

abhi 5 MIN pehele yahoo mein bolti hai..ki kal koi SUBMISSSION hai uske office mein it seems

so cannt come

WHAT THE HECK YAAR...

11:36 PM PIRATES ka ticket i had to book thru credit card..

me: :(

ohhh

kau: 220 bucks

pani mein

me: she is so unprofessional

this is bad

kau: i even ditched KRITI

AND GUESS WHAT

me: kya?

11:37 PM abe kriti ko le jana fir

kau: KRITI WAS THE ONE ON WHOSE CREDIT CARD I BOOKED IT, ..i was supposed to go with him for PIRATES COZ HE HAD ASKED ME WAY EARLIER

me: kal pakad le

kau: I CHANGED MY PLANS ON WEDNESDAY coz of your Bandi

and now, this..

me: ohhhhh, yeh to kela ho gaya tera

11:38 PM kau: aare.KRITI ke apne plans nahi kya..just think how cheap i wud appear to KRITI if i asked him now

me: this is bad yaar

saturday ko kahin submission hota hai bhala

kau: and GUESS WHAT

KRITI was so generous engh..he gave me his CREDIT CARD (coz the card has to b shown at the counter 4 confirmation..)

11:39 PM SERIOUSLY..this is way way unprofessional

me: tch tch tch

usse baat kar

kau: AND WAY TOO CHILDISH

me: phone pe

hana yaar, yeh childish thode hi hai

it is bad

kau: AGR submission HAI TO SHE MUST HAVE KNOIWN IT EARLIER NA

me: tu usse baat kar ke bol clearly ki aisa nahin karna chahiye tha

11:40 PM agar nahin jana tha to pahle bol deti

kau: forgrt it...

me: u had to bow before kriti for his credit card

kau: I CALLED up her in the evening she hadnt picked it up

atleast she shud have had the courtesy to call back

me: haan yaar

kau: she ssays ..her BALANCE wasnt there

me: tujhe load hua hai, main samajh sakta hoon

11:41 PM kau: AND GUESS WHAT

she has a POST PAID na?

me: landline to hai hi uske paas

kau: AABE..load nahi..i feel humiliated

me: haan main samajh sakta hoon

kau: NOT ONLY BECOZ OF HER..BUT BECOZ i now have to ask some collegue or kriti TO COME ALONG

neways...

11:42 PM me: bandi ko bolna ki tujhe kitni sharmindgi jhelni padi

kau: ACHA..DONNT MENTION A WORD OF THIS RETORT OF MINE TO HER

me: nahin re

kyun bolunga

kau: IF SHE HAS SENSE..she will call up

me: haan

she should call u up

kau: YAHOO pe rto lecture de rahi thi ki..SHE WILL make up or something

dekhte hain

me: shud i ask her to call u up?

11:43 PM make up matlab?> make up kar ke aayegi?

kau: aare..CHODO.infact, i rather played the whole issue down..as if her not comming wasnt of much consequence

that shud suit her

guess, she values her importance way too much or something

whatever

me: arre usko yeh to bola hota ki uske karan tujhe kitna zaleel hona pada

11:44 PM kau: HAAN WO TO BOL HI DIYA

me: kahan bola tune?

kau: aur agar call kari..ya agle baar phone pe baat hua to AIS ASUNAOONGA

me: tune to yeh show kiya ki tujhe fark nahin pada

kau: bola..ki SHE SHUD HAVE INFORMED ME BY EVENING..

AT LEAST WHEN I CALLED HER UP

11:45 PM me: kau

tu usse badla le

usse ticket khareedwa

aur mat ja

kau: CHODENGE TO NAHI

me: ekdum tit for tat badla hai

yes

kau: jo bhi ho...SUNA KE TO CHORUNGA

me: ab aaya na tu track pe

mard ban mard

11:46 PM seene pe baal hain to usko prove kar

kau: agar sali call nahi bhi ki to hi-bye ke bahane khudcall karonga aur sala @^&#..KO AISA SUNAOONGA

aabe..tu kya MAZAK KE MOOD MEIN HAI?

me: nahin sale

kau: YE KYA LIKH RAHA HAI

me: tujhe tempo de raha hoon

tu bhi na

11:47 PM kau: ok..ok

me: woh nahin aayi aur tu chup chap sunta reh gaya

gadha!!

kau: NAHI SAALE yahoo messeger pe jitna bolna tha bola

me: kya bola tune?

kuchh bhi to nahin!

kau: ab to PHONE PE BOLLONGA

me: ladki ke samne shareef ban jata hai

kau: HMM..SHAYAD

me: kuchh nahin bol payega tu

11:48 PM kau: sala..chara maat

me: munh mein dahi jama ke baitha rahega- bandi ke aage teri aisi hi halat hoti hai

nahin to kya aarti utarun teri?

kau: hmm...nahi, kal to call karna hi karna hai..

USKI !@#$ KI TO

SERIOUSLY BE..

11:49 PM MAIN SALA KUCH ZYADA HI SARIF HOON

kaal to xsunake chorna hai

me: Bandi se main kuchh kahun ya tu handle karna pasand karega?

kau: NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

DONNT DO THAT..

me: to tu bolega

agar main nahin to tu

kau: SHE WILL THINK I HAVE NO BACKBONE TO HANDLE MYSELF

me: soch le

sale woh tere paas bilkul nahin hai

kau: I WILL SPEAK TO HER FIRST..

11:50 PM %$#@!

me: theek hai

kau: !@#$, KYA BOL RAHA HAI

me: dekhte hain tere munh mein se phool jharte hain ki aag

abhi yahoo pe online hia

dikha de aaj

kau: THIK HAI..BANDI SE HI SUN LENA AFTER I BASH HER UP..

USI SE AB TAK BAAT HO RAHI THI..KAHA NA

11:51 PM me: okies, dekhte hain teri bahaduri- darpok!

kau: I KNOW SHE IS ONLINE

me: hmmmmm

theek hai

kau: WHATEVER

me: kal ka suraj batayega ki kya bol paya tu

11:52 PM chal koi ni

peace maar

kau: YAHOO KA QUOTA OVER ho chuka , PHONE PE BATIYANGE

me: kal movie dekh aur khushi se enjoy kar

11:53 PM kau: WAISE BHI YAHOO MEIN WO SALI..3 MIN BAAD REPLY MARTI HAI

me: abe woh thesis likhti hai

isiliye 3 min bad reply karti hai

kau: pata hai

sali ko REVIT tak nahi aata

sketch-up pe phatti hai

11:54 PM aur 3D max main main exprt hoon ya nahi poochti hai

*&^%

me: koi ni be

kau: khair..

chal main nikalta hoon

me: kya ghalat poochhti hia?

tu exp[ert nahin hai kya?

kau: sone jata hoon

me: chal be

sadma laga hoaga tujhe

kau: bahut gussa dimag gghooma deta hai

me: so le thoda

kau: bbye

GDNITE

11:55 PM me: good nite

kal movie enjoy kariyo

kriti ko saath le jana

bbye

This chat was followed by an ugly laughter from Ramu's side, and a silence of 17 minutes....

(to be continued)

Dedicated to Kau: Part 1 of 3: Birth of an Evil Genius

In the primordial jungle of Dept of Architecture, in Institute of Indian Technology, lived thirteen primates collectively known as the Design Czars. They were an awful lot, scheming bizarre ideas, and ideas of making weird cave drawings about just anything. Each of them had their eccentricities and one of the Neanderthals was affectionately (though I don't have proof of that, it's just a guess) named Koushik by its parents, or just Kau in short. As mentioned in the other meaning of subordinate clause of last sentence, Kau loved to be robed in shorts, usually more than 15 days dirty, some were patchy with various food stuff it generously shared with its garments, and various sweat glands in its body which were still not closed by a thick layer of dead skin and humus accumulated over the aeon of 28 years.

People used to loathe Kau, especially the animal next to it named Jha ji. Though the other animal called Czacci showed that he hated him, but it was speculated that he secretly loved the dirty (both meanings- physical and mental) ways of it.

Ramu (short for Ramapithicus) believes that It was all rumour floated by the other Neanderthals to make fun of that poor thing Kau. Ramu believes no one can have brain so rotten from birth that it can be termed Mad Kau Diseased. The Ramapithicus also believes that unlike Polio, Mad Kau disease does not affect children, unless they eat beef. Kau loved pork, not beef. So it could be a mad pig disease at best, if it could be termed sick.

It was famous that Kau usually wandered from one room to other, its hand inside his shorts, itching, just an hour or two before submissions of cave drawings done on autocad, and used to see, what special its batch- mates did, and used to integrate them in his drawings. Ramu used to explain to his batchmates that by doing so, Kau always put a symbolic message of unity in its drawing, which only the enlightened Profs of IIT could catch and award the high marks to him.

A special ingredient in its submissions was an application before the submissions. The application mentioned that due to some unforeseen act of God (his senior who passed out of IIT with Donkey and Devil- read my other story Of HOD, God and Donkey) he usually was unable to submit the drawings. The profs, being the expressionists, reacted violently to it, showing their big canines and sharp nails, hissing and beating their flabby chests, but it was a certain element of suspense which made its drawings interesting, just like the Romanesque piazzas and vistas (which comprised of a narrow, long road suddenly leading into a very wide space, had an element of surprise waiting for the people). The animal named Kau would work for 4 days non stop and then present his integrated design which would have a dome like St. Sophia's Cathedral, an Ocular opening like a pantheon, some ribbon windows and a lot of trellises, the whole plot would be exquisitely landscaped. It was then left for the whole of the batch to pick and choose their elements out of that master oeuvre. It was a pleasure to see Kau pleading the prof for an extension and how he would not have asked had his hard disk not crashed 6 hours ago. And it was replied by the prof that why did he not make a back up an hour before that crash! Ramu knows that it was fun for it, but was it the same expression of its other batchmates, it never occured to it.
(there's more to come...)

The Spidey Returns

It's the season of sequels. Nice kiddy- kiddy movies going family- family kinds in their new avatars. And in his new avatar, spidey rocks, and when he did so (but not better than Prabhuji aka Mithun da), i fell from chair, rolling with laughter. Rock and roll.

Spidey is now fully settled in the city, and people love him, especially the kids. He is now ready to replace Shilpa Shitty now, appearing in concerts and parties and inaugurating shops and giving his autographs. In one of the parties, he appears for some ribbon cutting ceremony, and kisses a beautiful girl standing there. I was expecting that when he unmasks himself, then I'd be seeing the face of Emraan Kiss-me, as a surprise element. But Emraan Kiss- me did not oblige his fans . He had this to say

"It was a nice presentation on Tobey's part. Kissing someone hanging upside down must be real fun. In bollywood movies, the kissing scene has been experimented with so many objects, even villains kissing the cameras lenses, or Sridevi kissing the glass slab in Mr. India, but not like this! Not even kamasutra mentions such an innovative pose. I appreciate myself for giving this role to Tobey boy"

Rakesh loathes the very idea of eating from someone's plate. He argues that it is "the saliva thing" which he detests. The same idea could be extended to kissing people too...

After this scene, the movie goes on the road forged by Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. Spidey fighting with villain, then spidey fighting another villain, then spidey fighting with his girl, he looked like Mayawati or Mamta Di fighting against the scum of the societies. Relations were broken, and to make the matter worse, some black symbiotic alien (who had an uncanny nature of making people acting like a buffoons- it made him react in a similar manner), who had an english name Venom (sounds like those WWE wrestlers), too finds shelter in the body of spiderman. Said my friend "Of all the people, the alien found Spidey!" Definitely, suppose if I want to join politics, then definitely I would be joining the party which is in power, not the one who keeps on throwing tantrums and keeps calling a truce. So that is why the Venom chose spidey, or perhaps, the kissing scene might have lured him, who knows.

Alien actor Venom vented his venom on the sets of Spiderman-

It was a shock for me. What i perceived as a kissing saga turned into a family story of Spiderman. My hopes were shattered in the starting itself, but the main shock was yet to come. He started singing and dancing, as if the former trauma was not enough. I could feel the silent laughter of spot boys at the scene, and my host body of Spidey looked comic, but what the heck!

The Climax (compare it with any hindi flick):
The heroine is tied up and is lying hapless on a giant cobweb (made by the Venom), held captive, and here comes Spiderman to rescue her. I had a strong urge for a song at that point- Spiderman dancing and singing so that the Venom doesn't kill the sweetheart.

jab tak tere pair chalenge, iski saans chalegi"-- Gabbar Singh, Sholay

In the end, there was a big fight, in which all the baddies of the movie had a congregation, and spidey served them sometimes in first-come-first-serve manner, and sometimes in parallel, until they united and thrashed him to pulp. Spidey had no option left now but to use the deadliest weapon he had... the power of music. What followed was the recitation of Symphony number 9 on Xylophone by the maestro. I wish mithun da was in the role, he would have played a classic number and danced too, as he did in Classic- The dance of love; i wish the movie was directed by director Karrion Jahar for a better family script, but alas- all wishes don't come true. As my anonymous friend doubts "How did the sandman (one of the villains) take his daily bath?". Who would have noted this point of personal hygiene in this otherwise clean movie?