And That's Why I'm Grounded

Once upon a time, i was inquisitive that why something egragious happened to some people in which they apparently were not at fault. What was the reason people failed, or were harassed, when there was no fallacy on their behalf. Perhaps they were schlimazel. Bah, bad logic! And how do i explain the sufferings of so many prophets and god- people born? Should i label them as Schlimazel too? Or is it that they were just few of those masochists? Unbelieveable as it was for me, as well as out of reach for me. And then, suppose masochism was in their brains as they always chose trying situations for them, how could i justify twelve stigmata living in this world at any given moment? Are they masochists or, better expressed, schlimazels? Can't say! is it that they were really the chosen ones? But i assumed that God didn't exist, for the simple reason that neither anyone has ever seen him/ her nor anyone could explain him/ her.

Do i mean that something which can not be explained with current logic can be disposed off branding it as non- existent? Can singularity be explained by our system of sciences and Maths? Not hitherto. So we can not say it never existed! It does exist, but it's us, who are not capable of explaining the things. So it's our incapability which forbids us to know god, but to learn this, i had to wait for 16 years.

In my childhood, i wondered what made things go awry, was it the half heartedness of people? And what if they accomplish the job with proper respect towards it, won't they fail? At least Geeta, the hindu scripture doesn't warrantee that! God plays dice, at least he is a bit ruthless towards many of the living population, can not claim that about dead! He is someone who wants to prove his authority every now and then, a totally whimsical personality. Whatever we do is to please him, and whatever he does in return is to please himself. is it not?

I grew up with this idea, that God had his whims, let the earth be inclined at an angle of 23.5 degrees, and those 0.5 degrees was his eccentricity, otherwise why couldn't my geography teacher explain that to me? She thought that i was an overly smart idiot! i repeated that very sentence when i could not clear JEE in my first attempt. It was for the whole year i blamed him for my failure, it was he who was whimsical old wise guy. It was he who wanted me to fail! and it was he who always visited my house taking various forms of my relatives to tease me about my very recent failure. If he was playing chess with me, he was in my fort, i'll beat him in that!

After the next failure at Jee, it flashed to me that perhaps it was my fault, a small fraction of it, though. I cross- examined myself, and i found my error, corrected it and i eventually passed through JEE. It was a feat for me. And i too was proud to be an IITian, was feeling great to be in a league of extraordinary gentlemen, i finally did it. It was everything for me, a moment worth a googol! But i had misconstrued it in all sense.

I saw people failing repeatedly speaking up their miseries, and i asked God why was he unjust?
There was a guy who was hated by everyone, he was lonely, and so was he a stutter. He too like me had cleared JEE in 2 years, his 2 years being an ordeal, i would say, if mine were the meter gauge. I befriended him, to be his support, for it gave me pleasure to be of some help, because i had not been of any help to anyone, and i was getting a chance to rise in my own eyes. I later found out that he had the habit of exploiting people, so he never deserved any sympathy! That was why he was alone, so that he could learn the value of friendship. It was something which he refused to learn. And it repeatedly occured with him, to teach him the intricacy. That was the first answer i got.

Similarly, i again challanged God on his decision of keeping one of my teachers childless. He was again being unkind on that old couple, especially the teacher once wept before us. She is very sentimental about this. So i alleged my arch- enemy about this. He kept mum at the moment. i thought he has no answers! i had won the battle. Days passed, when i went to her home one day to apply for my leave, and i saw she was beating her maid. She was a little girl and had broken a cup. Now, that was not a big mess for which she could be penalised like this, and i personally don't like beating children. I was aghast looking at her cruelty. She perhaps never deserved a child. That was the justification i got.

I could understand the system of God's machinery. He works in this manner. He just prunes our branches which go beyond the boundary, because we refuse to listen to his suggestions. He is a responsible and a wise man, the old wise man, who is always grounded.